Writing With My Heart On A Pen

Be honest with me…tell me what you think if it.
Tell me, just tell me. I can’t stand this silence.
I just need someone outside to tell me what the voice inside of me is screaming.

That I suck.
That my stuff is boring.
That my writing is boring.

That it’s confusing to read.
That’s why no one can ever bother reading it to the end right?
Right??

RIGHT?!?!?!

It’s just only natural in the creative process to be knocked down with a feeling of incompetence. But I could remember a time when that voice shut up and stopped talking for a good number of years. Now it’s back and it’s rattling at my ear.
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Things you thought you got rid of but are still there….

Lately I’ve been actively watching a lot of anime. Well simply because this season of anime is just fuckin awesome and seriously there are so many good on going titles out and I’m just like obsessing over two new fandoms and just want to draw fanart but I’m procrastinating and I would rather work on my commissions and and WELL! You kinda get my drift with the run on sentence there…. Continue reading

Ready or Not…

Life is basically about improvement, it’s about surviving and trying to reach that goal—the one that you spend all your existence figuring out. For me, I’ve had some idea, but I’ve never been able to pinpoint it. Now, I’ve settled with just aiming without knowing where to shoot, and just fucking shooting.

I’m going to start running in the dark. Because life is short, and I can’t waste anymore years second guessing myself. That being said, I am going to revive this blog and bring it up to speed. There isn’t much to change, just add more things and take away a couple of things.

I will add some very old blog entries that I had intended to add a while back and post up my purdy drawings all over the place. ^w^

As for my activities, I’ve been all over the place, drawing here and there, writing some, and listening to lots and lots of Vocaloid songs. I am officially a passionate lover of Vocaloid. It’s helped me spark back my motivation and has become one of my new muses for my arts and writing.

Just gotta keep working…

This blog is starting to resemble my neglected diary. But I want to get back on this once more. So, I’m writing this post to keep up to date with it. And possibly build some necessity to keep writing. I’ve been going through a lot and have set several endeavors for myself.

I feel like I need so much more strength and will power to get those things done, because whenever I try, the walls rise higher, in order to prevent me from jumping over. But I’m determined because I virtually see nothing else for myself.

I feel like I’m getting older, like I’m wasting away, like I’m wasting time. It’s only when I’m working without a care in the world that I feel that time itself stands still.

So that’s what I will do, I’m just going to keep working. I feel really happy when I keep myself busy. I’ll see how it goes…

I want to get back on my fanfictions again, but when I think about it, I am reminded of the novel I want to finish…. ahhh I do anything but that don’t I?

Nanowrimo progress

Okay now, my Nano progress this year is horrible, but it’s the farthest I’ve gone in any nano I’ve done actually.

This would be my third year doing Nano. But I had hoped that I’d do better than this.

*laughs*

On my first week I was very determined, as I sought to reach 10,000 words by Saturday. The draft immediately started off choppy and overly ansty. I was disgusted. In other words I didn’t like what I was writing. I felt it was fake, but it was possibly because I wasn’t able to really settle down and get into the writing

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Writer’s Club, Anyone?

It has been a thought that sat in the back of my mind for what felt like years…

Once upon a time, I belonged to an online writing community. Granted, the members on it were mostly inactive, and some people there were a bit biased on some fandom pairing preferences; but it was an eye opening experience for me. I learned about Nanowrimo, for the first time, learned terms like “plot bunnies” and “writer’s block” descriptions of things that I go through all the time and I didn’t realize had names for them. I learned that my procrastinating nature, that my feeling of incompetence, my ups and downs; were actually regular things that any writer goes through.

I also learned that a writer is not a person who publishes a book, or someone who decides to dribble out scribbles and boast about it. A writer is someone who constantly LIVES and breaths words, plot, stories, characters. They are the ones that feel incomplete if they don’t carry a pen and notepad with them. They are the ones that use anything and everything as an inspiration for an idea. They are the ones that look beyond the writing and see if there is feeling, passion behind their works… They are the ones can identify other writers, and easily catch signs of talent in others. I learned that writing is a GIFT, than not everyone can write. That it is not easy, nor is it tedious. It’s fun, and it’s hell at the same time. But, most importantly, it’s something you can’t live without… If you are like that, if you find yourself feeling this way… then that means you indeed are a writer. And you don’t have to publish anything to call yourself one…

That website shut down for obvious reasons, but set off an idea, a though that’s been bugging me ever since….

Why not set up a writer’s club?

Yes, some type of club where people can bounce ideas of each other. And it doesn’t have to be limited to that, but it can also include artists who want have stories/comics to go along with their characters. I notice that there are artists out there that have good characters and ideas, but they struggle coming up with a storyline for them… When writers and artists go hand in hand, together it’s like chocolate and caramel. A bombshell combination.

I want to set up a blog for it and come up with a name. I’m going to have some of my close friends work with me. I also would like to set up a place to chat online. Well, I’ll see how this works out. I still don’t know, how it’s gonna run or anything, but I just wanna get this outta my chest.

If anyone reading this interested, please drop a comment or two.

Fan-fiction terms

When I started reading/writing fanfiction, was so confuzzled and lost with all of the small abbviations they’d make. Diving into that universe was mostly a self-learning process. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way.

I’d thought it would be nice to quickly jot down all the funny looking terms used in fanfiction. I read/write anime fanfiction… but I believe it generally applies to all fanfics in general. Hope it proves helpful to whoever reads this… Also; be aware that a lot, if not all the terms below are not just used to categorize fanfics, but doujinshi (fan-comics), fan-art, AMV’s and anything produced in the anime fandom universe. But here, I’m just going to focus on how the terms apply to a fan-fiction story.

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Woes of a Writer

Yesterday was HOT! Oh my goodness gracious, I’m surprised to still move about, it’s incredible . Well, on my free time, I’ve been trying to work on my fanfictions but it’s coming out rather slow. Wrote only two and a half pages for a Ulqui/Ruki fic I have. I’ve been wrestling to find a meaningful purpose to drive the story along and it suddenly hit me yesterday. So I’m doing progress, thankfully. AoM fans want to kill me, I’m sure. I take forever for the updates… and there’s no reason to because the 14th chapter is finished and all I need to do is type it and edit it. I have internet now to help me so I have no excuse, they’d say. But I blame it on the heat. It slows me down like molasses.

I’ve been watching Soul Eater, just got ten or so eps to finish watching the series. Might end up reading the manga after I’m done. It’s a very good anime. Don’t be surprised if I write a post or two about it. I should. My blog is getting really lame these days. All I’ve been doing is working on the other sections. XP. Oh well. Need to work on interesting posts in general.

Another fic that I’ve been tackling extra hard is SoF (Spirit of Flight), It’s one of my personal favorites next to AoM. I’m doing a total revision to the second chapter and it’s taking forever. And if that’s not enough, I lost the document and so I’m working with a back up that hasn’t been updated. I’ve printed out a hard copy of sections of the original lost docuement, but it’s so mendokusei to work to try to remember and fit between what I have and what I have to re-write from scratch. That alone, just knocks the wind out of me. I want to get this chapter finished because I occupies my mind. I can’t seem to be able to work on anything else devoitedly because I’m always thinking about getting it done.

Another fic that’s been bugging me is “Garden Bird”. There’s a whole bunch of crap I have to type up. A chapter and some pages of a small pre-chapter section called the KGC (Konoha Gossip Corner). That part is so fun to write! *squeals*. I need to do a significant amount of editing in that one, so much so that I can’t start working on the next chapter of that fic, until I type it up and print it out… and that pisses the hell outta me… *fumes*

Lately my rough drafts have been very messy. They’re filled with so many revision errors, like switching sentences around and adding unique synonyms. Expanding scenes adding more descriptions… It gets me so upset. Why? Because, when you see that I update a chapter on any story, I’m usually at least, one chapter ahead. When I have chp 1 of a fic posted for the readers, I’m writing chap 3 or 4 at that moment. I rely heavily on my previous chapters to push the storyline along. So much so, that I often quote dialogue from the previous chapters to provide emphasis and also to remind the readers what happened at that previous moment, since so much goes on in a story. I don’t mind if I have tons of spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors, because that doesn’t directly affect the content of the story. I read over the drafts and can quickly proceed to writing the next chap. But when there’s revision errors, that stops me dead in my tracks. Because I need to switch sentences, add new material and that makes it extremely difficult to continue writing the next chappie. I have to type it (that’s when I revise it) and make the changes, print it out and THEN, I can keep working on the story.

It pisses me off. Pisses me off, so badly. I have to do that for SoF, Garden Bird and Sober State (Gintama fic). Three stories! That’s enough to drive me insane! Unfortunately, it’s not letting me concentrate too well on writing other chapters in general. I want to write a one-shot Neji/Hina because my two current Neji/Hina fics (SoF, Garden Bird) are both stuck in that rut, and I need to write a scene with them because my mind is screaming for it. (I’m such a dire-hard fan of that couple, it makes people sick XP). But I can’t. I have a block. And I know why. It’s because I need to stop beating around the bush, and start typing those shits already. Damn, I’m so lazy when it comes to typing! I love, love, LOVE to write the chapters—but when I have to type them up… it’s so medokusei… ugh man!

For those reading this post, thanks… at least you have an idea on what goes through the mind of a fellow writer. *laughs*

Typer-happy

I’m trying so very hard to keep on track with my school work… but I’m burning so bad with the need to work on the fanfics. I’m currently trying to type everything that I’ve written for now.

And I’m looking to expand adding more blog pages under the “my fanfictions” sections… ahhh so much to do.. but I really like working on this stuff wahhhh… *gets shot*

I spent this weekend typing up the 13th chapter of AoM which is like 35 pages long front and back, I have seven pages left now *victory dance* I’ve yet to proofread and check for grammer issues… I’ve noticed that my writing style is too wordy. But when I cut it out make it more concise it looks so… naked? O_o

As for this blog, there’s two more “Artistic Spotlight” posts I wanna do, which I think I’ll try to accomplish before the end of this week… >w< Uwah they’s so awesome… they really make me want to keep drawing… I keep imagning how my own art style would look like after much pracitce… uwah.. really can’t wait till I can reach that level… *sighs*

Well that’s all I got for now, just wanted to post something just keep this blog updated, I guess.