This blog is starting to resemble my neglected diary. But I want to get back on this once more. So, I’m writing this post to keep up to date with it. And possibly build some necessity to keep writing. I’ve been going through a lot and have set several endeavors for myself.
I feel like I need so much more strength and will power to get those things done, because whenever I try, the walls rise higher, in order to prevent me from jumping over. But I’m determined because I virtually see nothing else for myself.
I feel like I’m getting older, like I’m wasting away, like I’m wasting time. It’s only when I’m working without a care in the world that I feel that time itself stands still.
So that’s what I will do, I’m just going to keep working. I feel really happy when I keep myself busy. I’ll see how it goes…
I want to get back on my fanfictions again, but when I think about it, I am reminded of the novel I want to finish…. ahhh I do anything but that don’t I?
Procrastination and distraction are twin demons that double team me to drag me down heartlessly and after they let me go.. it’s almost too late to catch up… it happens like most of the time. I’ve put in mind that this semester I won’t let them get the best of me.
Ahh well besides that . Everything is going alright I guess. The classes are alright, my mother being a bother as usual. I’m just worried that I’m going to lose internet connection soon. So I’m trying to take advantage before they cut if off for lack of paying the bill. Being jobless sucks… that’s why I hate holiday jobs and temp jobs… it’s so mendokusei to job hunt, redo my resumé go to interviews and wait and search and wait and search and wait and search… well you get the picture.
I’m lagging behind on some posts that I wanna do. And there’s several drawings I want to work on too… but I can’t get too carried away on my personal projects that I neglect my school work… today I’ve stayed several hours at the college to get some work done… and also work on my blog because unfortunately Distraction just sits there as the Lady Deity ruling over the household… I don’t know why I find it so difficult to study even work on my writings… it’s weird… I bought a desk and I never sit to write on it, I got myself clip stand to type work without craning my neck and I haven’t properly used it yet and I got a new laptop and yet I still have to wait my turn to use the computer because apparently two PC aren’t enough?! Ah…. I complain, but the situation isn’t serious, it’s just baffling.
I wish everyone to have a very nice Thanksgiving…. enjoy your turkey and those talkative uncles with their round-about tall tales with no point in them… yeah…well as for me, this year will be quite peaceful… I’m glad I don’t have to work on that day. Only on the day after, ahahah.
It’ll be me, my siblings and my mother. Just that. But I’m too weary and tired to whine about not having people over… this is good for me I guess…
It’s said that I write so much about what I want to write or about what I’ve written and next to no one has seen it… it’s like I’m rasing hype of some kind that I could never live up… but I want to it’s just in my brain just flashing scenes and images so vividly that I want to scream and tear it out of my brain and spatter it on paper… those f**king plot bunnies are killing me… they’re eating me alive… it’s so horrible… but at the same time I get so happy when I get a new idea, or when I come up with a new plot twist or a new love interest or a new reason to make a character lost his mind and go delirious… oh it’s so fun… It’s a love/hate relationship that I have it’s so ironic.
Here’s the thing… I’m thinking about posting some of the my writings here in this blog, since it is about “fiction” anyways. I’m planning to put “orginal” stuff… Yeah, some of my raw skills exposed, granted, I like this anonomous feeling that I have posting online because I don’t know how my readers look like… I’m very emotional with my stories, I shelter them like newborn babies *laughs* I just wonder if readers will have a problem reading white letters on a black background… or if the lettering in this blog is too tiny or both… I don’t know, I worry about those little things, ya know?
Whatever story I post here, I plan to later on put them on the fictionpress account that I have… because I like to keep those things in a nice cute collected place. *laughs*
I went, as promised in the last post, to the Art Institute of York in Pennsylvania. The trip (without getting lost) is and hour and thirty minutes… uhh…. let’s just say I don’t want to hear the word “I-83” anytime soon… That route is filled with snake-like spits and curves on the way back I was lost for about an hour… it was so horrible. And it really doesn’t help when there is someone who’s getting even more nervous than usual. But all in all I’d say it was really worth it, because I liked what I saw and I’d say that I’ve decided to shoot for my artistic side first and pursue my teaching career afterward. The way I see it, to be a good teacher you need to have a lot of experience first, and going for teaching later in life, there is more chance I’ll be able to do a better job.
My sister pissed me off this morning so, I supposed you can say I feel kinda crappy… it’s actually over a pointless thing, so it’s not really worth blabbing about it here…
I guess the point that I’m trying to make is, why are there people who live off others? Why are they numb to the feelings of others? They think about themselves first other others… does she think that way because she’s the youngest? I mean seriously… at times like these, I can feel her words step over me like road kill…
How can she be so heartless… and it’s really nothing serious, but it’s just ugh! I feel so crappy…
Well, I’ve decided to not let it urk me… but just to let it fly by. She knows I suppose but I just can’t blow it up and make it such a big deal because it isn’t. I just have to prove her wrong in my own way and not let her take so much advantage of me… I often act on the belief that as much consideration I give to others they would give the same to me. I often become so spineless. I just have to be a little selfish sometimes I suppose.