I’m awake simply because I refuse to sleep.
I refuse to sleep simply because I don’t know what to do with my life.
I don’t know what to do with my life because I can’t decide what to do.
I can’t decide what to do because I feel that I’m not good enough to follow through with it.
I feel like I can’t follow through because everything I’ve ever tried I wasn’t good enough.
I’m not good enough because I don’t feel free enough to kept trying.
I can’t keep trying because I’m pressured to do the “right” things to make a living.
But I’m not doing anything, just staying awake simply because I refuse to sleep.
Reading the title gives you the immediate impression that this is some kind of radical feminist article, correct?
But in truth, this is nothing more than my observation and personal sentiment on this topic. A very generalized ramble that I’m sharing with the internet.
I like the hissing sound a cockatiel makes when they are being defensive.
I’ve always felt that I keep wasting days of my life because I am indecisive. I’m always playing it safe. For the most part it has saved me from a lot of things.
But it has cut me away from great opportunities. Now I’m stuck in this vicious cycle. A rubber bubble where I beat against it, and while it feels like I’m pushing outwards–it then stretches back and I’m bounded back to the center.
People are scared of labels?
“I don’t label things.”
“You can’t just say that it is like that. You can’t assume. You can’t mark things like that. It’s not how the world works…”
I often wonder as I discover the things around me—are people scared of labels? Or is it really no way to categorize something? It is really what you would call assumption to say something is labeled as such? Continue reading
Finally, at long last, I am connected to the internet.
It would be the only reason why I haven’t updated in so long. It’s ridiculous… My life has been one tumbling fall after another. But life is not life without it’s ups and downs. More downs than ups, to be more precise.
Now, I haven’t been so productive this year of 2011, it’s been sort of a downer. And I had so much hopes for this year too… I didn’t know it was going to slap me in the face as much as it did. But well, I am persistent.
I think for Nanowrimo I’m going to work on Orphan story again. Just because I wanna finish the damn MS. It’s so frustrating. I wanna do it before I turn 30… seriously…
Okay, so I mentioned before that I’m going to be adding pages and more stuff to this journal. So, it’s going to be very gradual, since I have tons of stuff I need to catch up on in the absence of my time from the internet.
Well, I’ll see how it all pans out…
I live in the NJ area, so you know what that means: Hurricane Irene. People are scared shitless… I in the other hand am pretty relaxed. I just want to spend a peaceful weekend without any major complications… but most of the time things don’t happen the way you want it to… Well, I don’t want to lose the interent I finally have gotten cuz that would really suck…
Yooooo, call me left behind on technology, but this is the first post I ever wrote from a smart phone; a blackberry to be exact. Continue reading
Well, I’ve neglected this blog, because I was trying to do lots of things at one time. But I’m gonna try to organize myself for the fifty-millionth time. I have plans to start my Writer’s group, which I called “Bite the Moon” but there’s a lot of things to work out before I can put it online for the world to see. I have a dear friend of mine that’s gonna work with me on terms of running it. So we’ll see how that goes.
Well I’m updating this blog with a post because this blog need updating. And also because I’m at work and I really would rather do something else besides my own work
I’m going to give the greenlight for the writer’s group project. I have a very close friend that I’m working side-by-side on this. I’ve put it on hold for now, because as much as I wish, I don’t seem to have enough leisure time to do things like I used to.
As of late I’ve become a complete DevArt Addict.
For anybody who doesn’t know what the heck I’m talking about, there’s this social artist community called “DeviantART”. I’ve been part of it for almost two years I think.
For artists young and old, experienced and rookies… it’s perfect and extremely helpful. It’s global so you see artwork from people around the world. I’ve learned so much from that place, you have no idea. It’s also very inspirational. Of course like every social type of website it has it’s trolls and whatnot, but it’s not bad if you ignore them or cause trouble.
A lot of people are active on the website so you usually get replies quickly to your comments and faves. I’ve made some friend and found friends I already knew in real life on the website. It’s just a couple of month ago that I’ve been sucked badly into it and it’s taking so much time away from me. But that’s because I watch a lot of people and I comment on like everybody’s freakin’ art. I’m such a damn chatterbox it’s ridiculous… seriously.
DeviantART is my Facebook. If you find me there and drop a comment be assured that you’ll get a reply within 5 hrs or less. XDDDDD
Here’s link to my profile there: Nevaresor’s DeviantART profile