Status

I’m awake simply because I refuse to sleep.

I refuse to sleep simply because I don’t know what to do with my life.

I don’t know what to do with my life because I can’t decide what to do.

I can’t decide what to do because I feel that I’m not good enough to follow through with it.

I feel like I can’t follow through because everything I’ve ever tried I wasn’t good enough.

I’m not good enough because I don’t feel free enough to kept trying.

I can’t keep trying because I’m pressured to do the “right” things to make a living.

But I’m not doing anything, just staying awake simply because I refuse to sleep.

Writing With My Heart On A Pen

Be honest with me…tell me what you think if it.
Tell me, just tell me. I can’t stand this silence.
I just need someone outside to tell me what the voice inside of me is screaming.

That I suck.
That my stuff is boring.
That my writing is boring.

That it’s confusing to read.
That’s why no one can ever bother reading it to the end right?
Right??

RIGHT?!?!?!

It’s just only natural in the creative process to be knocked down with a feeling of incompetence. But I could remember a time when that voice shut up and stopped talking for a good number of years. Now it’s back and it’s rattling at my ear.
Continue reading

I Have a Tendancy of Doing a Ton of Things at the Same Time…

I originally planned to bunch this with my previous post but it grew to long, so I split it… So, here in this post I’m going to explain all things I’m getting myself entangled with lately. So read on, if you dare… *evil laugh* Continue reading

I’m going to start updating… I’m being really serious this time!

The time that I’m starting to write this post is waaaaay too late. I should be sleeping right now…BUT! My neglected blog is crying for attention. Mainly because I’ve placed so much work and have so much pride for this blog to just simply go to waste.

I simply hate to always excuse myself as I usually do in my blog/journal entries of the various sites I pertain to, explaining why I have stopped posting, etc. So instead, I’m going to jump into what I have plans to do…
Continue reading

Terrible Hurricanes… the new norm?

The week before hurricane Sandy would come and hit our area in Northeast NJ, my father stocked up on food, bottles of water, packed his flashlights with new batteries and braced himself for the worst.

Personally after having lived through Irene last year, I felt it was going to be something of similar damage. I’m currently living in Passaic NJ, a small traverse town settled between Garfield, Clifton and Paterson. It’s more inland and since I was wasn’t living in Garfield but with my father in Passaic; I wasn’t worried as much as I could have been with Irene. Continue reading

Ready or Not…

Life is basically about improvement, it’s about surviving and trying to reach that goal—the one that you spend all your existence figuring out. For me, I’ve had some idea, but I’ve never been able to pinpoint it. Now, I’ve settled with just aiming without knowing where to shoot, and just fucking shooting.

I’m going to start running in the dark. Because life is short, and I can’t waste anymore years second guessing myself. That being said, I am going to revive this blog and bring it up to speed. There isn’t much to change, just add more things and take away a couple of things.

I will add some very old blog entries that I had intended to add a while back and post up my purdy drawings all over the place. ^w^

As for my activities, I’ve been all over the place, drawing here and there, writing some, and listening to lots and lots of Vocaloid songs. I am officially a passionate lover of Vocaloid. It’s helped me spark back my motivation and has become one of my new muses for my arts and writing.

Funfest 2013—Here I come!!!

Every year around September in a small little city called Hazleton, PA (USA); there is this end of the year fair where people crowd the streets and there are booths that sell all kinds of stuff. It’s really exciting and one of the few highlights that I enjoyed when I lived there. One of the things that stood out to me, was the booths that sold homemade crafts, wooden clocks and all kinds of unique stuff!

Since then, I’ve always been interested in opening up my own booth and sell my posters and artwork. But you really can’t get much motivation if you do it by yourself you know? So one day the topic popped up in one of my IM sessions with my best friend, Tachi, and we decide to collab and do the project together, we even got another friend from college aboard on the project. We will be aiming to make our things for the 2013 Funfest.

I’m so excited!

All of the artwork that will be created for this project, won’t be uploaded anywhere online. I’m going to keep of them off the radar until further notice. That way their image won’t get downloaded or copied by any anons out there. After funfest however, I will be uploading them to the general public for all the see.

The type of art that I will create will be different from what I usually make, since I will be molding it to be for general audience, things like: Fairies, Disney characters, and other mainstream themes that will catch the eyes of people outside of the anime/manga fandom.

I’m putting too much on my Plate

I’m posting by bulk aren’t I?  Third post of the day last one I believe…

I’m in the process of revising some of my old fanfics that I have up on FFnet and I’m often tormented with the thought of typing up some other unfinished fics… but the thing is I’m worried that if I do so, then, I’ll have more on my plate…

So I’m wondering should I do it or not?

Continue reading